Friday, February 16, 2018

Ode to the Office Utensil Drawer

If you work in an office
that has some kind of a kitchen,
maybe you’ve noticed
that the weirdest shit winds up
in the utensil drawer.

You’ll have your standard
silver-colored forks, spoons, and butter knives
because some administrative assistant
bought a set at Target or IKEA.
But then, one day, a gold teaspoon appears
like some kind of fugitive
or illegitimate child.
Who brought this?
Why is it gold?
Is this supposed to be for caviar?

And why is there never any kind of normal steak knife?
Why is your only choice between
a butter knife
or a ten-inch bread knife
when you try to slice your leftovers into manageable pieces
or cut an orange?

Then you slowly notice the forks disappearing.
Who is hoarding them?
It must be Bill.
When anything strange happens in the office,
he is the prime suspect.
But it could also be all the 23-year-old guys
who strut around the office
and leave their coffee cups in the sink
like someone’s mom is going to clean up after them.
Then Emily has to send out an office-wide email
begging people to return the forks.
At some point she’ll give up,
and buy a new set from Target or IKEA.

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