Grapevine

Did you hear that Mark sent Nikki a huge bouquet?

Sent it to her at the office,

like no one else would notice.

He didn’t sign it with his name, of course,

but who else would it be from?

Since he’s been laid up at home

with the flu,

he hasn’t spent any time with her

in a couple of weeks.

So maybe it’s an apology

or a disgusting declaration of love,

but Nikki has been looking satisfied with herself.

Cat that swallowed the canary.

He’s probably promised her

that he’ll leave Jane for her.

That’s what they always say, isn’t it?

Everyone knows men don’t really leave.

Not unless the wife kicks them out.

Did you hear that Mark got into ballet?

He’s got a subscription with the Joffrey.

I think he takes Nikki with him, not Jane.

Or maybe it’s the other way around.

You wouldn’t think it would be his thing,

but he talks about it a lot at the office.

Talks about how muscular and athletic

the dancers are,

about how they tell tragic stories

with their long limbs and pained expressions.

He likes watching videos of the ballerinas

breaking in their pointe shoes:

the clacking and bending and

snapping and breaking and

ripping and stitching.

I think he’s just into their ugly feet.

Did you hear that Mark fell down a stairway?

He was in the hospital for a week!

Cracked ribs

Concussion

Fractured wrist

Jane didn’t tell me what happened exactly.

Maybe he got knocked down

by his Great Dane.

That dog is 200 pounds

and still a puppy.

Maybe he tripped over his own feet;

he’s always been kind of clumsy.

If you ask me,

I bet Jane gave him a bit of a push.

It’s pretty obvious

what’s been going on with Nikki

for a while now.

So he’s still alive

but working from home these days.

Did you hear that Mark moved to LA?

He finally got that divorce.

He didn’t leave his wife for Nikki, though.

It was stupid of her to think he would.

He’s got some overpriced apartment,

not too far from the beach.

I think he bought a motorcycle.

He’s going to try to get into acting.

Not as a leading man, of course,

but the schlubby, funny friend

or maybe do some commercials.

Did you hear that Mark came out as gay?

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

He left both Nikki AND Jane,

and now he’s staying with some guy

named Derek.

Derek is really young and hot.

I think he’s a professional dancer.

Mark’s been making up for lost time,

living it up at the gay bars

and the bathhouses.

He’s thinking about doing a porno.

Too bad for him, though.

Jane found out she’s pregnant.

Anyway, that’s just what I heard.

Nothing but hearsay.