Kitchen Hawk

Another goddamn mouse in the kitchen,

so I found a black snake slithering in the garden,

gave him a pep talk before I set him gently on the floor,

and encouraged him to hunt.

He disappeared somewhere in the wall,

and surprise! He was actually a she,

and she was very pregnant.

My kitchen was overrun with snakes.

I then purchased a red-winged kitchen hawk

and commanded her to launch off my leather glove

and fly above my stove

with her noble, piercing scream.

She’d grab the snakes on the white tiled floor

and under the sink

and behind the jars of flour and sugar

and once even found another goddamn mouse

and retire with her prize to the attic.

Hawk droppings everywhere,

and she kept biting and clawing me.

The only possible solution?

A pair of kitchen leopards,

slinking across the kitchen floor,

jumping on the countertops,

napping on the dining room table

with rhythmically swishing tails.