Kyle sneezed particularly hard one day,
and the gray matter of his brain
slid easily out of his right ear
and glopped onto the white tile
of the kitchen floor.
This surprised his fiancée, Kristin.
A second earlier, she had been dictating
the seating chart for their wedding;
the next moment
Kyle’s entire mind absconded.
“Pick it up!” she cried,
but Kyle merely stared into the distance,
his lower jaw hanging open a bit.
Finally Kristin had the presence of mind
to call 911, but the dispatcher didn’t understand,
and the paramedics were astounded.
Kyle’s body was not only still alive,
but his brain had started scooting
around on the floor
making little squeaking noises
and leaving a trail of clear fluid behind it.
The paramedics were afraid to touch it,
afraid to damage it,
so eventually Kristin,
who always wound up having to do everything herself,
scooped it up and put it in a cardboard box.
Kyle’s body seemed fine,
could walk on its own,
as long as you led it by the hand.
His body on a stretcher,
and his mind in a box,
Kyle was transported to the hospital,
and a team of neurologists stared at him
for a good long while.
Kyle’s mind was electric and active
in a clear plastic incubator next to his body,
and his heart kept on beating,
and his organs kept on organing,
but Kristin was fairly sure the wedding
would have to be postponed at the very least,
Meanwhile, Kyle’s body grew more independent,
could change the channel on the TV,
could operate a laptop,
could continue working
on a part-time basis,
and even leave comments on Twitter.
His body was eventually discharged from the hospital,
since doctors weren’t sure what else to do with it.
They planned to keep his brain for research purposes.
Kristin decided the wedding could go on after all,
I mean, she had the dress and everything.
The night before the nuptials,
Kyle’s body snuck into the hospital
to free his brain.
His arms carefully cradled it,
jello-like gray matter.
It trembled and whimpered a little
during this reunion.
Kyle’s body drove his brain to a forest preserve,
and he set it gently in the limbs of an oak tree.
Kyle’s brain was never seen again.
The neurologists were devastated.
Kyle’s wedding went off without a hitch.
A few months later, his body was promoted
to assistant vice president,
and the future never seemed brighter.