Wednesday, January 9, 2019

How to Make Scrambled Eggs

1)    Wake up.
2)    Check your cell phone for new notifications.
3)    Play a few rounds of Yahtzee on the officially licensed app.  Make disappointing choices.
4)    Note that you are hungry.
5)    Take a nap.
6)    Wake up.
7)    Think about making scrambled eggs.
8)    Let the dog out.
9)    Let the dog back in.
10) Play more Yahtzee. Win a game. Feel three seconds of satisfaction.
11) Remember that there is nothing easier or quicker than making scrambled eggs.
12) Look up the ending to a horror movie you’re curious about but have no intention of actually watching.
13) Chat briefly with a friend on Facebook Messenger.
14) Pretend that you’ve watched a video your friend has sent you.
15) Think about taking a shower.  You’ll definitely feel better if you take a shower.
16) Remember that you have to pay some bills today online.  You haven’t balanced your checkbook in three months.  This train of thought is exhausting.
17) Take a nap.
18) You’re definitely hungry now. Scroll through Twitter for latest political outrage.
19) Isn’t it closer to lunch now, really?
20) Make and consume peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

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