How to Make Scrambled Eggs

1)    Wake up.

2)    Check your cell phone for new notifications.

3)    Play a few rounds of Yahtzee on the officially licensed app.  Make disappointing choices.

4)    Note that you are hungry.

5)    Take a nap.

6)    Wake up.

7)    Think about making scrambled eggs.

8)    Let the dog out.

9)    Let the dog back in.

10) Play more Yahtzee. Win a game. Feel three seconds of satisfaction.

11) Remember that there is nothing easier or quicker than making scrambled eggs.

12) Look up the ending to a horror movie you’re curious about but have no intention of actually watching.

13) Chat briefly with a friend on Facebook Messenger.

14) Pretend that you’ve watched a video your friend has sent you.

15) Think about taking a shower.  You’ll definitely feel better if you take a shower.

16) Remember that you have to pay some bills today online.  You haven’t balanced your checkbook in three months.  This train of thought is exhausting.

17) Take a nap.

18) You’re definitely hungry now. Scroll through Twitter for latest political outrage.

19) Isn’t it closer to lunch now, really?

20) Make and consume peanut butter and jelly sandwich.